cali girl

Lifes a beach, don't get caught up in the current! Just keep on waving at all the crabs in your life and remember to give 'em SHELL (;

Black Swan

I just finished watching Natalie Portman star in my opinion, in her greatest role ever taken on by the talented actress. Not only was the acting phenominal, but the music,dancing, and don’t even get me started on the story line. Throughout the first half of the movie all I could think was how perfect would it be to be, well.. Perfect! The role of the white swan so innocent, so pure. Waiting for true love to set her free, but then towards the second half all I could be was envious of the black swan. The black swanwas already free and not because of “true love”, but because she decided she was free, that no curse would hold her back. She was free to do whatever and whomever she’d like. ;) Unfortunately, althought the black swan’s lifestyle seems more seductive then the temptress herself, when running in the dark you are bound to lose your way. You find yourself spiraling down, down, down the rabbit hole. So far in you can’t even fly your way out of this one.

I’ve been battling with this a lot these past few weeks. I find myself gravitating towards the black swan’s lifestyle more and more. Being more free with myself, and aventuring into new and risky lands, but how far am I willing to wander before falling deep down into the dark abyss? Am I really willing to be the perfect free bird just for the show and never make it to the encore? I know this is pretty deep for a movie, especially one a decade old, but I feel like everyone has a white and black swan inside of them. It’s okay to let them both out every once in while. Just know which one you want taking the stage for your final bow.

The movie in my opinion was the perfect illustration of our inner demons and what happens to our light when we let the darkness out to play.

Let’s see how this goes..

Someone who I once trusted with my life told me to write out my feelings. Honestly, it sounds like a load of crap, but I thought I would give it a go. I’m not looking for attention, or lots of followers. This is strictly to vent, and reflect. I’m tired of playing it safe. Not saying what I think to protect others around me, or because it may not be the most politically correct thing to say at the moment. The only thing I’m doing is lying to myself and the people around me. It’s time to start behing honest with myself, and gradually grow to be 100% honest with others. I think I’ll start here. The truth hurts sometimes, so be ready for some kick-ass painful posts.


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